“Nothing remains the same” – this is the thing that I’ve learned while growing up. Obviously, I knew this from the very start, yet I always tried my best to fight it. I need to understand. I need to know what is going on around me. I need to know where I’m going and see the past and the present. I need to go and go and go and surge and take everything in, taste it, turn it around in my brain until the point that I get bleary eyed.
Something I’ve just learnt is how to back off and stand. Something I’m learning is the manner by which to stay composed.
Something I’ve learnt is how to be still and how to stay composed when your mind is a mess.
Yet I’m still figuring out how to calm the hurricane contemplations in my mind. I’m figuring out how to close my eyes and inhale profoundly, notice the earth, the sky, the trace of elegant scent, the doughnut shop down the road, the cotton in the pillows.
I’m learning how to give life a chance to happen—to me and everything around me and smile, even though the I’m a mess (yes, I mentioned it earlier too). I’ve discovered that I can’t have answers held in the palm of my hand or composed some place on a sheet of scrap paper, prepared to be pulled from the pocket and read when life appears to drift from its way.
I’m learning that occasionally what I know will definitely change, and I will just exhaust myself in attempt to keep it, attempting to run when I’m just supposed to walk, attempting to love someone when they don’t and deserve to be set free.
I’m learning that I can’t surge my choices, Allah’s decisions for me or the emotions composed in another person’s heart. I don’t have a control of this; I should trust, let go, and let life play out.
I’m learning to be still and not seek for what is yet to come, but rather celebrate what I have, and be prepared for whatever Allah has gotten ready for me next.
I’m learning that life is significantly more excellent when I quit attempting to have the appropriate responses when I quit aiming to compose my own particular way, when I quit trying to consistently be something, be some place, and instead just simply be.