Don’t Lose Yourself Finding Someone Else

The person you thought you completely knew inside out has turned out to be simply one stranger in your life. It hurts because you cannot figure out how can everything so beautiful turn into simply nothing in a blink of an eye. It hurts more knowing that you knew the wrong person and it was not them all this time, but, the harsh reality of life is that people change.  Their love changes. Heartbreak changes a person. Life changes a person.

You can’t let them go despite the fact that they are no longer in your life, yet you are keeping them alive in your mind.

It’s been days, weeks, months, possibly years, since things have changed. The instant text messages that used to put a smile all over. The late night phone call you stayed and sat tight for. The inside jokes that never got any less interesting. The posts they tagged you in at whatever point something helped them to remember you.

In any case, it did not stop you from re-reading old chats a hundred times. You are still wide awake at 2 A.M, but you need to accept the reality because you’re the only one keeping the memory of them alive.

You cannot accept the fact that they have moved on in their life without you and forgotten you and you’re constantly trying your hardest to bring them back into your life.

You still believe that they’ll understand all that they’ve been missing out without you, that one day they’ll find their way back to you. Speaking of so many truths, not every person is meant to be in your life, and that is alright. A few people are sent to us to open our eyes to new skylines, others to show us brutal substances we needed to see.

While finding ways to bring them back into your life, you’re losing yourself.

You’ve torn down parts of yourself to build a castle for them. You’ve made a world where your happiness relies on other person and without acknowledging it, you’re losing yourself little by little. You’ve overlooked the person you were before them. The person who had dreams, the person who knew their value. You’ve invested so much time and vitality putting your confidence in another person when the only person you’ve needed confidence in is yourself.

You are sufficiently strong to say goodbye to things that aren’t right for you. You can survive the hardest of heartbreaks. You will discover your way to bliss, regardless of whether others are there to go along with you or not.

 

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Embrace Your Pain

Happiness is a topic that has been widely discussed yet few feel that they have really achieved the state of happiness. Majority of us are battling with pain that we prefer not to share with others. We prefer not to be seen as “weak”, “emotional” or “delicate.”

So what do we do? We push the pain far down within us. We groom ourselves on the outside. We paint on happy faces and tell everybody “I’m doing fine”. Possibly we are fine, but that is temporary.

Problem with pain is that it seeps out of you in ways you cannot even imagine. Perhaps you snap at somebody for no reason. Perhaps you burst into tears when you cannot find your matching shirt when you are late for class. Maybe you stop meeting your friends and cancel going out with them. Regardless of how your pain shows itself, believe that it will come spilling out of you like a furious stream that cannot be contained.

The best way to traverse your pain is to accept, acknowledge and confront it.

When you sadness is overpowering you, let it out. Cry as long or as much as you can. Do not dictate yourself to get over with it and move on. Take as long as you can to genuinely embrace the pain.

You might become tired of listening to cliche phrases like “time heals all” or “pain does not last forever.” In some cases, pain doesn’t leave. Some of the time facing the pain means how to live with it. Some pains in life don’t blur with time. It might feel as fresh to you a long time from now as it does at this time. While it may not leave totally, confronting it will enable you to keep on growing through it. You will be more grounded and wiser as a result of it. Dodging your pain will just keep you stuck in a perpetual cycle of sorrow and pity.

You’re Losing Her

It’s the texts you reply to whenever the timing is ideal for you. It’s the snaps she sends you and you take a look then put down your phone. It’s every text you send her when you are bored. It’s the attention you give that is the absolute minimum. Yet, she takes it because for her that minimum time is all she has with you, yet she’s constantly giving you all of her precious time to you.

It’s her support you need that dependable goes addressed without fail. Despite the fact that she’d never ask the same. It’s those nights she wishes would turn into the mornings yet you have some kind of other plans, so you say goodbye.

You are not realizing this, in any case, in all actuality, you’re losing her. You lose her a little by little every time you don’t reply. You lose her more every time you pick another person when she is always choosing you.

You lose her every time you don’t value her. You lose her every time you underestimate her. You lose her  every time she goes to bed wondering to herself, ‘why am I not enough for him?’

In any case, what you don’t understand are the sentiments she has for you that blinds her faith.

Perhaps, one day you’ll lose her for good. Since she will get to a point where there’s nothing more she can bring to the table and she will leave. It will hurt her so much for doing this since she looked at you with wide eyes loaded with confidence that depleted with time.

One day she’ll be the one not answering you. One day those snaps you send will be ignored and it will scare the shit out of you, the minute she begins treating you the way you treated her.

Also, perhaps you’ll think back and recall that was no mystery in her and she didn’t play games like the others. She was a kind that remained loyal.

In future when you will fumble through girls after girls, you’ll almost find something in them all missing. You will look for her in them but she will never be found.

Stop Manipulating Love

My phone was constantly vibrating with a few messages as I was sitting in my car going home. I looked down my phone, seeing a series of messages from my friend and I immediately unlocked my phone thinking there might be some emergency. The next thing I see are the screenshots of a Whatsapp conversation with a guy she’s been talking to.

“Help me Saniya” said one of the messages she sent me.

“Tell me what do I answer him?

Is it a right time to text him back?

Would he reply back as soon as he reads this or would he take time?

Would it be advisable for me to hold up for some time to answer him back?

If I text back this quickly, won’t I seem too desperate?

If I reply late would it look like I’m too arrogant and not into him?”

Don’t think I’m mean or something but yes I smiled a little and took a deep breath as I’m no love guru but I wanted to help my friend in dire need.

So,  before answering to the screenshots she sent me, I thought for a while (merely 10 seconds) and replied back to her:

“Don’t text him too much,”

“Hold up your messages for a short time so it doesn’t look like as you’re available and too desperate, also don’t hold up for too long.”

“Try to use a limited number of emojis.”

As I saw her reading my messages, I felt a little good that at least I calmed down this crazy person and I started to scroll my Facebook feed but there was nothing interesting so I started listening to songs, as I was enjoying my music, a sudden realization hit me up.

My friend is not a loser or an idiot. She’s quite a sensible girl and one of the most charming people I know of. She is so intellectual as she has such a great amount of knowledge about the world to discuss so any person would be fortunate to have her in her life, without even a second thought. She is sensible enough to know it’s stupid to go crazy over a late answer, over a message left on “read,” or over a goddamn emoji. 

But she did not. 

Then I realized that we have turned into a generation that controls love.

Through the effectiveness of meeting some person from just swiping “right,” through the easygoing quality of sending a dog-filtered selfie, through a large number of interactive social apps, it’s turned out to be so fantastically simple to constrain our way into getting consideration.

We choose the right content of a message to send with a fancy grammar, we pick the most accurate Snapchat filter that defines our face 2x beautifully, we hold up the proper measure of time before sending a message back.

The irony is that we always check our phones for a text or a respond and we feel like dying if none comes our direction.

Our minds are so manipulated that we doubt why the messages have stopped coming the minute we quit posting lit selfies. We doubt why the messages are left on “read” the minute we quit having something fascinating to talk about. 

Understanding this, I wish I didn’t tell my friend each one of those commands I gave. I wish I had advised her to message him whatever she feels like since she has to be true to herself and if he is the right guy, he wouldn’t see any problem with it.

I wish I told her that in case that he didn’t answer, she should stop waiting for him and put her phone down and go carry on with her life.

I wish I told her that she doesn’t need anyone to control her life and her feelings, that she doesn’t need any approval of any person to know how endlessly fascinating and interesting she is.

We don’t have to control our way into getting love. At the point when it’s meant to be, we’ll know.