Stop Manipulating Love

My phone was constantly vibrating with a few messages as I was sitting in my car going home. I looked down my phone, seeing a series of messages from my friend and I immediately unlocked my phone thinking there might be some emergency. The next thing I see are the screenshots of a Whatsapp conversation with a guy she’s been talking to.

“Help me Saniya” said one of the messages she sent me.

“Tell me what do I answer him?

Is it a right time to text him back?

Would he reply back as soon as he reads this or would he take time?

Would it be advisable for me to hold up for some time to answer him back?

If I text back this quickly, won’t I seem too desperate?

If I reply late would it look like I’m too arrogant and not into him?”

Don’t think I’m mean or something but yes I smiled a little and took a deep breath as I’m no love guru but I wanted to help my friend in dire need.

So,  before answering to the screenshots she sent me, I thought for a while (merely 10 seconds) and replied back to her:

“Don’t text him too much,”

“Hold up your messages for a short time so it doesn’t look like as you’re available and too desperate, also don’t hold up for too long.”

“Try to use a limited number of emojis.”

As I saw her reading my messages, I felt a little good that at least I calmed down this crazy person and I started to scroll my Facebook feed but there was nothing interesting so I started listening to songs, as I was enjoying my music, a sudden realization hit me up.

My friend is not a loser or an idiot. She’s quite a sensible girl and one of the most charming people I know of. She is so intellectual as she has such a great amount of knowledge about the world to discuss so any person would be fortunate to have her in her life, without even a second thought. She is sensible enough to know it’s stupid to go crazy over a late answer, over a message left on “read,” or over a goddamn emoji. 

But she did not. 

Then I realized that we have turned into a generation that controls love.

Through the effectiveness of meeting some person from just swiping “right,” through the easygoing quality of sending a dog-filtered selfie, through a large number of interactive social apps, it’s turned out to be so fantastically simple to constrain our way into getting consideration.

We choose the right content of a message to send with a fancy grammar, we pick the most accurate Snapchat filter that defines our face 2x beautifully, we hold up the proper measure of time before sending a message back.

The irony is that we always check our phones for a text or a respond and we feel like dying if none comes our direction.

Our minds are so manipulated that we doubt why the messages have stopped coming the minute we quit posting lit selfies. We doubt why the messages are left on “read” the minute we quit having something fascinating to talk about. 

Understanding this, I wish I didn’t tell my friend each one of those commands I gave. I wish I had advised her to message him whatever she feels like since she has to be true to herself and if he is the right guy, he wouldn’t see any problem with it.

I wish I told her that in case that he didn’t answer, she should stop waiting for him and put her phone down and go carry on with her life.

I wish I told her that she doesn’t need anyone to control her life and her feelings, that she doesn’t need any approval of any person to know how endlessly fascinating and interesting she is.

We don’t have to control our way into getting love. At the point when it’s meant to be, we’ll know.